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Captain Ralston
Ben had left him alone since he got here. Put a beer in front of him, didn’t ask.
Josh couldn’t shake the kid’s face.
Bad asthma attack, good outcome. Textbook call. But the whole ride in she watched him from behind the mask, gripping the gurney with both hands, and when he told her she was doing great she almost cried.
Same age. Same pigtail braids. Same wide eyes when she was scared.
“Pediatric call today reminded me of my little sister. She was seven when my dad kicked me out. Got to me more than it should have.”
“You talk to her still?”
“When I can. She’s not supposed to, so it’s—yeah. When I can.”
“Hell of a father.”
“Don’t insult hell.” He gave a bitter laugh. “The whole time I’m working the call, I keep seeing my sister on this kid. Almost froze. And she’s not even—it’s not the same thing. But I keep thinking, what if it was?”
He knew what he was about to ask. Ben probably did too.
“You don’t have to answer this. But the day you had to go in after Matt—how did you do that? When it’s someone you actually love?”
For a second, Josh didn’t think he’d answer.
“You don’t let it in,” Ben said. “The second you start thinking about who they are to you, you’re no good to them. So I didn’t. Not during. Didn’t let myself think about it being Matt. Couldn’t have done what needed doing if I had.”
“That part I got. I was fine on the call. It’s—how do you come back from that?”
“You don’t. That’s the part nobody tells you.” His voice dropped. “I can still see the wreckage. The dust, the blood. Whether I made a wrong call. Every damn day. You just get better at carrying it. That’s the whole trick.”
He’d thought he understood what Ben carried. Now he could see what it cost to keep working anyway. It was right there on him.
“It wasn’t your fault, Ben.”
“I know. Matt told me that himself. I believe him, mostly. Doesn’t make the asking stop.”
The kid’s face came back again.
“I’m gonna call her tomorrow,” Josh said. “Not text. Call.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Good,” Ben said.
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Yet Another Day