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Falling Apart
Week two. They’d warned this would be the hardest stretch. The surgeries kept stacking: trach, PEG tube, femur. Ben nodded through every briefing, tracked every word, but nothing made sense.
The monitors began to beep as a nurse went to Matt’s side.
“What’s happening?” Lucy asked.
“Heart rate’s spiking. Could be post-op inflammation. I’ll page the doctor.”
“What can we do?”
“Just give us space, please.”
Hands on his arm. A pull. He let himself be moved.
“Ben,” he heard her say. “He’s going to be okay.”
A doctor entered, issuing instructions Ben barely processed. Ventilator, meds, motion, none of it clear. He followed the jagged lines as they steadied, the beeping settling into rhythm.
“He’s stabilizing. It’s a common stress response after major surgery.”
A chill ran down his spine.
“I need some air.” He fled before Lucy could react.
The idea of losing Matt scared him straight.
No. It was over. It had to be.
He let his arms drop, a tremor shuddering across his shoulders.
How am I supposed to face Lucy?
Mask back on, he stepped inside.
Lucy’s attention hadn’t left Matt once.
He joined her, silent, with thoughts he had no right to voice.
Bolting was easier. The hospital. Lucy. All of it. Easier than looking at Matt. Easier than sitting with everything he hadn’t let himself feel in years.
But the fear stayed. So did the guilt. And he knew neither was leaving him.
Josh opened the thread again.
Just checking in. Hope things are okay.
Unanswered. Same as the last text. And the one before that.
The rational part of his brain offered reassurance, but the other part was louder. When Ben finally explained why he’d vanished, why he hadn’t come home, Josh said he understood. And he had. Or thought he did.
But it wasn’t what Ben said. It was what he avoided.
The vague replies. The sidesteps. The tension in his face every time Matt came up, like even the name hurt. Whatever had happened, it ran deep. And Ben wasn’t letting anyone in.
Josh couldn’t tell if this was distance or defense.
The whole thing gnawed at him. How a stranger became a wall he couldn’t get past. He imagined Ben camped at that hospital, pouring himself out for what he couldn’t even say out loud to him.
If it were you, would Ben be there every day? Would Matt even know you existed?
His phone buzzed. Not Ben. Zara.
So, which is it today? Brooding or spiraling?
He typed back.
Both. Care to join me?
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The Awakening