Ghost in the Shell
Josh kept drying a mug that didn’t need it. Ben wasn’t even that late.
Keys rattled. He looked up as Ben stepped inside.
“Hey. Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Can we talk?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“It’s been a lot. With work, with Matt… everything.”
Josh waited.
“I’ve been trying to balance it all,” he went on. “But the truth is, I’m not doing a good job. I’m stretched too thin, and I… I don’t think it’s fair to you.”
“Fair to me? Ben, what are you—”
“I can’t give you what you deserve,” he interrupted. “You deserve someone who can be there for you. Really be there. And right now… I can’t be that person.”
“You don’t have to figure it all out right now, Ben. I get it. Things are messy. I’m not asking you to be perfect. I just…”
Ben didn’t even blink.
“You’re breaking up with me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Josh. But it’s not fair to drag this out when I know I can’t give you what you need.”
Josh laughed once. “What I need? Ben, all I’ve ever needed is you. But you won’t let me in. You’re always somewhere else. At the station, with Matt, or in your own damn head. And now you’re deciding what’s fair for me?”
No response.
“Is it him?”
“It’s not—this isn’t about Matt.”
“You’re a terrible liar, Ben.”
Still nothing.
“I knew,” Josh said. “I’ve known for a while now. I just… I thought maybe you’d let me in instead of shutting me out.”
“Josh, I—”
“Don’t. Don’t apologize. Don’t make this another thing you try to fix. Just… be honest with me. Is this really about not having enough to give? Or is it about him?”
Ben bit his lip.
“Okay. If you can’t say it, I will. You’re still in love with him.”
His head snapped up, eyes wide. No denial.
That was all the answer Josh needed.
“You were right about one thing. I deserve someone who’s all in. And that’s not you.”
“I’m sorry, Josh.”
“Me too.”
Josh turned his back, only then realizing his hands were shaking.
“I think you should go.”
He could feel him still standing there.
“Goodbye, Josh,” Ben said.
The door shut.
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