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Straight and Forward
Neither of them had spoken in a while.
Across from him, Matt sat upright in the wheelchair, right leg propped up in a splint. His right hand was free of the sling, but the shadows under his eyes had darkened.
“You holding up?”
“Take a guess.”
No more waiting for the right moment. This was it.
“Fair,” he said. “I’ve been trying to say this for days, and I know you don’t want to go there, but… that elevator ride last week—”
“Don’t,” Matt interrupted. His head turned slightly.
“Okay,” he said quickly. “I won’t push.”
Ben studied him. Whatever he was up against wasn’t giving. He went on anyway.
“But there’s something I need to say. And it’s not about the elevator. Not really. It’s me.”
“What about you?”
“Since the accident... I haven’t stopped thinking about whether I screwed something up. Whether I could’ve done it differently. Last week brought it all back.”
Matt picked at the blanket over his lap.
“Why tell me this now?”
“Because I’ve been avoiding it. Avoiding you. And I can’t keep doing that,” he said. “I spent months thinking about what I missed. What I should’ve seen. What might’ve kept you out of that chair. But it’s not fixing anything. Not for you, not for me.”
It took Matt a long time to speak.
“It wasn’t your fault.” He didn’t look at Ben. “I don’t remember it, but… I know that. I don’t blame you.”
His grip tightened on the blanket.
“But after—after everything—you weren’t there. And I...”
When he spoke again, it was barely above a whisper.
“I needed you, Ben.”
“Matt, I’m so—” He stopped himself. “I’m here now.”
“Just… don’t disappear again.”
“I won’t. I’m staying.”
“Good.” His eyes flicked to Ben. “Because… I don’t think I can do this without you.”
That slammed into Ben. He forced himself to hold Matt’s gaze.
This is about Matt. This isn’t about me. He needs his best friend right now.
“You don’t have to,” he said, even. “I’ve got you.”
Ben called Lucy from his car outside the hospital.
“Hey. Just thought I’d give you an update.”
“Yeah? How’s he doing today?”
“Better than last week. Not great, but… better.”
“Okay… that’s something. What happened?”
“We talked. About the accident. About how I’ve been avoiding him… about everything.”
“He actually let you go there? How did that go?”
“Better than I thought it would. He listened. Really listened. And he told me he needed me, Lucy. After everything… he still trusts me enough to say that.”
“Told you he did. You’ve always been the one he goes to when it’s bad.”
“Maybe. But after everything, I don’t feel like I’ve earned it. I told him I’m done running. I can’t take that trust for granted. Not again.”
“You sure made it a hell lot harder than it had to be. But as far as Matt’s concerned, you’re here now.”
“I should’ve been better. For him, for you—”
He chose his words, steering carefully around what he wouldn’t say.
“I let you down. Not just as Matt’s best friend, but as your friend too. I wasn’t honest. With you, with myself. And I’m sorry for that.”
She took a moment. “That’s a lot to say out loud.”
“Yeah. And I said it too late. I should’ve been there. For Matt. And for you.”
“So… you think he’s turning a corner?”
“Yeah. It’s slow, and he doesn’t see it yet, but he’s trying. And that’s more than I could’ve hoped for.”
“More than we had weeks ago. We wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t come back.”
“And he wouldn’t have made it this far without you. I won’t step back again.”
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