Think of Me
Josh leaned back on the park bench, his coffee turning cold as he watched the jogging trail. Cyclists zipped by, kids chased each other across the grass, and birds chirped overhead. He lifted the cup and grimaced.
“Here.” Zara swung in beside him. “I brought you an iced mocha. You looked like you needed something less depressing.”
“You enabling my sugar addiction again?”
“Obviously. You get caffeine. I get the dirt. Now spill it. Ben or the deep fryer?”
“…It’s Ben.”
“How surprising. What’s he doing this time? Or not doing?”
“It’s been weird since… you know. The accident.”
“So he’s still wrapped up in his own head. Shocking.”
“It’s more than that. He’s not just sad, he’s gone. I talk, he deflects. Says he’s fine, says he’s tired. It’s like talking to a wall with my name scratched off it.”
“Sounds like he just checks out.”
Josh let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, well, it’s getting old. I can’t keep waiting for him to let me in if he won’t even try.”
“You’re the only one trying. That should tell you something.”
“Maybe I just wasn’t enough to pull him out of it.”
“Okay. No. You don’t get to do that.”
“Do what?”
“You didn’t break him. Stop acting like you did.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“Yes, you were. And no, that’s not on you. That’s just Ben being Ben.”
“It’s not that simple. He’s been through a lot.” He hated how quick he was to defend it.
“And so have you. But you’re still here. You show up.”
“It’s not just that. I think… part of me hates that it might be about Matt.”
“The guy from the accident?”
“I’ve never met him. But it’s like…” Saying it out loud sounded pathetic. “Ben gets weird when his name comes up. I try not to care, but he’s always there. Even when he’s not.”
“Men. Gay, straight, doesn’t matter. You all find new ways to blow yourselves up over the same three feelings.”
“I’m not the one blowing stuff up.”
“No. You’re just standing there hoping it’ll fix itself. He’s the one lighting the match. You’re the one cleaning up after.”
“Knowing that doesn’t help, though. Still sucks.”
“I know.” She gave his boot a small nudge with hers. “But you’re not in a competition, Josh. If he throws you away over some guy in a hospital bed, that’s his problem. You’re the one he’ll look back on and realize he blew it.”
“You actually believe that?”
“Not even a little. But I’d rather you hear it from me than nobody.”
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